Is this child God made Man? So fragile, so small, so devoid of strength and power. A baby like other babies. Is he really The One we have been waiting for during all these weeks and all those centuries?
And what changes has he brought?
This year, it seems that things have changed for the worst. Bombings, wars, beheadings, loneliness, torture, hunger, homelessness, fright, cold, hatred, evil seemed let loose. And there are fools to believe there is a God who is omnipotent and goodness itself. Fools!
This is what I think of myself when I roll into a tight ball of despair. What is good in my life and why should I believe God exists and comes to us: where is my brother? Where is Mother? Why am I stuck with The Girls in a place I don't particularly relish when it smells of feasts and we are alone? Why are The Girls disabled? Why couldn't I have a life of my own? Why do I have to fight to get enough to eat for the three of us and why is there usually not much left for me? Why these two minor brain accidents that have left me with disabilities?
Where is God when I cry towards Him? Does He exist?
The Church gives answers but one has to already believe in God to believe in the answers of the Church.
But what would be the meaning of Christmas without this birth? Let's call it Saturnalia or Solstice celebration or any other name. Why should we exchange presents? Why should we make it a special day?
Ancient beliefs? Foolishness?
But a child - any child - is a promise. It is a life that begins. It is Life that goes on. It is the life made of a father and a mother's lives. I have talked so much of my family during this Advent Calendar time. Mother. Father. Siblings. The Girls. Grand-parents. Great-grand-mother. Great-uncles and Great-aunts. Uncles and Aunts. Cousins. Godmothers and Godfathers. And these forefathers who lived to build the old fortified castle. And these who built the house we live in. We are their lives that go on, even disabled or lonely or depressed. This makes a long stream of life, starting with babies and children who were, each of them, promises.
Therefore there is something irrationaln deep within me, that makes me believe that this night "unto us a child is born", and that this child is a promise towards Peace on Earth and Life in the Heavens. It is Hope beyond all hope.
And here we are with all lights on. And the tree, and the stars, and the ornaments, and the candles, and the gifts.
Thank you, you who have travelled with us through the time of the Advent Calendar. You have survived my ramblings and chatter about traditions in our family. Thank you for your support and your comments. Thank you to have read my daily rant.
The Girls and I wish you
a very Happy and Merry Christmas!
Hark, The Herald Angels Sing
King's College Choir (Cabridge) 2011